Russell's Wisdom: Equivalent Exchange and Interpersonal Relationships#
Russell once said:
“Long-term free help to others is slowly cultivating enemies. Equivalent exchange is the long-term way of socializing.”
This statement strikes a chord and makes sense. In our lives, we often encounter people in need of help, and the reality is that we give too much without receiving the due return. The most important principle between people is "equivalent exchange," where each takes what they need and shares what they have. Excessive kindness may make you feel selfless, but in the end, it is you who suffers. In the workplace, among friends, and in intimate relationships, moderate giving is the key to maintaining healthy relationships.
01 Relationships Between People Are Equivalent Exchange; No One Should Suffer Loss#
In the workplace, many people misunderstand "equivalent exchange," thinking that as long as they do more and give more, they will eventually be rewarded. But in fact, relationships between people are exchanges; both parties have needs, and only through reasonable exchange can a win-win situation be achieved.
Xiao Zhang is a sales manager with outstanding performance. Whether it's working overtime or handling customer issues, he tries to help his colleagues share the burden. However, over time, everyone gradually got used to his contributions and took them for granted. Xiao Zhang's efforts did not yield corresponding returns; instead, he was ignored by his colleagues, and his work did not receive more recognition. This relationship is unbalanced, and in the end, he not only feels exhausted but also loses his rightful position due to excessive sacrifice.
Remember, “each takes what they need, no one suffers loss, and sharing resources makes relationships last.”
02 Excessive Kindness Will Ultimately Make You a Fool; No One Will Pay for Your Foolishness#
Sometimes, excessive kindness can trap you in the "free help" pitfall, and this kindness, once taken too far, turns into foolishness. I have a colleague, Xiao L, who is always willing to help others, bringing lunch for colleagues and running errands for deliveries. At first, Xiao L thought others would appreciate him, but over time, he realized that people do not truly cherish his kindness.
Once, Xiao L lent money to another colleague, but unexpectedly, this friend refused to pay it back and even complained about being poor. This kind of "good intention" ultimately did not bring about true friendship but instead left Xiao L feeling dissatisfied. As the old saying goes:
“Your kindness, originally meant to help others, ends up becoming a weapon that harms yourself.”
If you always give without reservation, others will only see you as a soft target, using you as a tool rather than a friend.
03 Enhancing One's Own Value Is the Foundation for Maintaining Relationships#
Mo Yan once said:
“A person who ends up with no friends often indicates one problem: there is no value in them that is worth others' interaction.”
This is absolutely true: the maintenance of relationships ultimately depends on mutual value exchange. Some people always silently contribute to others but do not accumulate enough personal charm or skills themselves. Over time, others will see them as dispensable, and they will gradually be marginalized by society and those around them.
Kazuo Inamori said:
“No one will help a person of no value; you must manage yourself well. Even if you hit rock bottom, you should have chips to exchange with others; this is the law of the strong. There are no eternal friends, only eternal interests. If you don’t work hard, you will be eliminated; if you are not strong, you will be harmed.”
If we do not have enough ability or charm, we can easily be ignored, harmed, or even abandoned. Therefore, enhancing one's own value is the foundation for maintaining relationships.