First, let's take a look at this dialogue.
Adult children:
"Why can't you let me live my own life? You always treat me like a child and think that I can't live independently. Every time I want to make my own decisions, you think I'm defying you. Why is everything I do wrong? Why can't you treat me like an adult?"
Controlling parents:
"When you want to break free from me, I can't even describe how painful it is for me. I hope you will always need me. You are everything to me, my whole life. Seeing you hurt tears me apart. It's because I love you that I care so much about you."
If the above conversation resonates with you and makes you feel a similar connection, then your parents are likely controlling parents.
Manipulation means to control and manipulate. Manipulation also means interference.
When children are at an age where they cannot distinguish right from wrong and do not have the ability to do certain things, parental control is timely and moderate, in order to meet the child's needs for protection and guidance.
Manipulation means to control and manipulate. Manipulation also means interference.
When children are at an age where they cannot distinguish right from wrong and do not have the ability to do certain things, parental control is timely and moderate, in order to meet the child's needs for protection and guidance.
Controlling parents are very cunning because they often disguise manipulation as care. Controlling parents are afraid that their children will no longer need them and have a pathological fear of their children's independence. They feel betrayed and abandoned because of their children's independence, and they closely associate their parental role with their own personality. Their common statements include: "I'm doing this for you", "It's because I love you so much", "It's all for your own good". In fact, these statements all express the same meaning: "I'm doing this because I'm afraid of losing you, so I would rather let you live in pain."
Controlling parents are very cunning because they often disguise manipulation as care. Controlling parents are afraid that their children will no longer need them and have a pathological fear of their children's independence. They feel betrayed and abandoned because of their children's independence, and they closely associate their parental role with their own personality. Their common statements include: "I'm doing this for you", "It's because I love you so much", "It's all for your own good". In fact, these statements all express the same meaning: "I'm doing this because I'm afraid of losing you, so I would rather let you live in pain."
Controlling parents are very cunning because they often disguise manipulation as care. Controlling parents are afraid that their children will no longer need them and have a pathological fear of their children's independence. They feel betrayed and abandoned because of their children's independence, and they closely associate their parental role with their own personality. Their common statements include: "I'm doing this for you", "It's because I love you so much", "It's all for your own good". In fact, these statements all express the same meaning: "I'm doing this because I'm afraid of losing you, so I would rather let you live in pain."
When parents excessively control their children's lives, there are usually two paths to take: surrender or rebellion. Generally speaking, influenced by the foolish filial piety concept of "rebelling against parents is unfilial", and in order to avoid hurting their parents, most people choose to surrender. Although rebellion may seem to promote psychological liberation, in fact, choosing rebellion is just as being firmly controlled by our parents, because such rebellion always backfires.
Why is it said that such rebellion always backfires?
For example, some parents have already deeply involved themselves in their children's lives, constantly interfering in their lives, and are enthusiastic about arranging their marriages and worrying about their love lives. This series of behaviors suffocates their children.
In order to free themselves from suffocating confinement, many children choose rebellion. They refuse to do everything their parents ask them to do, including things they may have wanted to do themselves, such as marriage. So, the backfire is that they may become overly fixated on defying their parents, neglecting their own needs, and giving themselves the illusion that they are in control of their lives. In reality, some people suppress and reject intimate relationships or work far away from their parents, which is also likely due to this reason.