Let's take a look at this passage:
"My parents always say, 'It would have been better if you were never born,' 'You're so stupid,' 'You're useless,' 'You can't do anything right.' No matter what I do or say, they will always belittle me, as if I am truly a worthless and annoying person."
Most parents occasionally say derogatory things to their children, but this does not necessarily constitute verbal abuse. Parents sometimes need to vent their anger, but the way they do it is incorrect. For children, if parents usually give them enough love, they will understand that their parents fundamentally love them and will naturally forgive them. With a child's forgetfulness, this is actually understandable, right?
However, verbal abuse is very different from what was just mentioned. Verbal abuse refers to the frequent verbal attacks on others' appearance, intelligence, abilities, or value as a person.
If the above words resonate with you and you have often been subjected to verbal attacks from your parents, then your parents are likely to be verbally abusive.
"Kind words warm the winter, while hurtful words chill the June." Positive words encourage progress, while negative words make people negative.
Verbal abuse families are filled with hurtful words, insulting names, derogatory evaluations, and contemptuous accusations.
Verbal abuse parents always say:
"You're clumsy and can't do anything right."
"It would have been better if you were never born."
"You're stupid and useless. You're making me angry."
In a child's young mind, parents are the center of their world.
So the child will think:
"I can't do anything right."
"I really shouldn't have been born."
"I'm so stupid and useless."
The verbal abuse from parents conveys extremely negative self-evaluation messages to children, and the magnitude of the emotional trauma inflicted on children can be imagined.
Verbal abuse is cunning and malicious. After physical abuse, the scars can be seen. After verbal abuse, the scars are all in the heart, causing deeper harm than physical abuse.
Regarding physical abuse, relevant laws have already been enacted in our country. At the same time, it is frustrating that it is difficult to define the standards of verbal abuse and therefore difficult to formulate relevant laws. Therefore, children who suffer from verbal abuse are often isolated and helpless.
Unrealistically expecting children to become perfect is a common reason for parents to launch fierce verbal attacks.
Parents who pursue perfection live in such fantasies: as long as they can urge their children to be perfect, they will be a perfect family. They completely delegate the responsibility of maintaining family stability to their children in order to escape the fact that they cannot provide this kind of life. Once the child fails, they become the scapegoat, bearing the responsibility for all family problems.
Such parents, regardless of their own success or failure, seem to have difficulty accepting the fact that their children are just ordinary people among the masses.
Adult children of perfectionist parents usually have two paths to choose from: either constantly demanding themselves in order to win their parents' love, or resisting vigorously and even fearing success.
For children who demand themselves, it's like having someone keeping score beside them. No matter how good their achievements are, they will never experience the joy of success. They feel that what they have done is not enough and that they can do better. If even the slightest mistake is made, they will be terrified.
For children who resist perfection, they are likely to live a life of constant failure. Because they don't know how to face success. Success means giving up resistance and submitting to their parents' demands, living the life they hope for.
Children are independent and complete individuals, with the right to choose whether they want to be ordinary, the right to choose their own life, and the right to choose their own path, without having to pay for their parents' unfinished dreams, unattained positions, or unearned money.