Epigraph: The biggest failure in a person's life is to be entangled with useless things for too long.
01 Comparing with Others Everywhere#
The biggest regret in life is comparing oneself with others.
Comparing with those superior to us makes us feel inferior; comparing with those ordinary makes us feel lowly; comparing with those inferior makes us feel arrogant.
Comparisons from the outside are the source of our restless minds, and they also cause most people to lose themselves and block the original fragrance of their souls.
There was a person fishing by the river, and he caught a lot of fish, but he measured each fish with a ruler. He would throw back any fish that was bigger than the ruler.
Other fishermen asked in confusion, "Why do you throw back the big fish when everyone else hopes to catch big fish?"
The person answered with ease, "Because my pot at home is only as long as the ruler, and the big fish won't fit."
Not letting infinite desires seize our hearts, "enough is good" is also a good attitude towards life.
The plum blossom is not inferior to the snow in whiteness, but the snow loses to the plum blossom in fragrance.
When people are in a buffet restaurant, eating without restraint, it is truly a terrifying sight. Taking only what is enough, without greed, is also an important practice.
The plum blossom does not envy the peony, and the moon does not envy the sun.
02 Kindness with Low Emotional Intelligence#
American writer Mark Twain said:
Kindness is a universally understood language. It can make the blind feel and the deaf hear. However, kindness with low emotional intelligence is a deformed and voiceless language that even normal people cannot perceive, let alone find it charming.
During the Ming Dynasty, Ma Zhongxi wrote a story called "The Legend of Zhongshan Wolf" in his collection of essays "Dongtian". It tells the story of "Mr. Dongguo and the Wolf":
Zhao Jianzi, a nobleman from the Jin Kingdom, led his followers to Zhongshan for hunting and shot a wolf. The wolf was not killed by the arrow and fled in panic. It encountered Mr. Dongguo, who was leading a donkey carrying a bag of books.
The wolf asked Mr. Dongguo for help, so Mr. Dongguo hid the wolf in the bag on the donkey's back. When Zhao Jianzi questioned him, Mr. Dongguo lied and deceived him.
After Zhao Jianzi and his followers went far away, the wolf asked to be released. Once released, the wolf wanted to eat Mr. Dongguo, but Mr. Dongguo begged and dodged. The wolf and Mr. Dongguo circled the donkey, and later they agreed to seek someone to arbitrate. They asked an old tree and an old ox, both of whom said that the wolf should eat Mr. Dongguo.
In a critical moment, an old man with a wooden staff arrived, and Mr. Dongguo asked for help. The old man accused the wolf of being ungrateful, but the wolf defended itself, saying that Mr. Dongguo put it in the bag, pressed it with books, and intentionally delayed releasing it, wanting to kill it and reap the benefits, so it wanted to eat Mr. Dongguo.
The old man suggested putting the wolf back in the bag as before and see if it was tightly bound. If it was really suffering, then the wolf should eat Mr. Dongguo. The wolf agreed.
After the wolf was put back in the bag, the old man scolded Mr. Dongguo for his foolishness and killed the wolf together with him.
American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said:
Your kindness must have some sharpness, otherwise it is equal to zero.
Most of us have experienced kindness with low emotional intelligence. We clearly put in our hearts and burn with passion, but in return, we only receive indifference and complaints. We have heard and encountered too many situations where good intentions lead to bad results and efforts go unappreciated.
The terrifying aspect of kindness with low emotional intelligence is that it becomes the shackles of others and the instrument of self-punishment. Over time, the originally pure kindness will be eroded by a hint of resentment, losing its original beauty.
A person with high emotional intelligence can always make themselves comfortable and bring joy to others. They know how to silently carry out their good intentions, understand boundaries and bottom lines, and even in the cold winter, they can make people around them feel the warmth of spring.
A person who is kind and has high emotional intelligence is the rarest treasure in the world and the most dazzling beam of light.
Kindness is a treasure, but it needs to be illuminated by high emotional intelligence. Emitting kindness with moderation, skillfully resolving awkward situations, is their consistent principle in navigating the world. They say that only in this way can both parties be happy, comfortable, and enjoy the beautiful emotions that flow from the depths of the heart, whether giving or receiving, warm currents will flow.
That's how the world is, with kindness, enthusiasm, and willingness to lend a helping hand, it is still not enough.
What you need is kindness with high emotional intelligence.
03 Meaningless Regret#
Regret is the most useless emotion, but many people indulge in it and cannot free themselves. It not only causes you pain but also cannot make up for anything you think you shouldn't have done or should have done but didn't.
The important thing is that every time it comes, keep a distance from it, look at it and say, "Thank you for coming, but this matter is already in the past. There is nothing I can do now. The peace in my heart at this moment is more important than anything else."
I have seen people who are unable to extricate themselves from relationships.
They smoke incessantly, drown their sorrows in alcohol, lock themselves up, and cancel all social engagements.
This can only mean that the feelings they had were real, but it does not mean that those feelings can be repaired.
The most irreparable thing in this world is the human heart. Especially in the realm of emotions, regret is the most useless.
Regret cannot help you regain someone, nor can it make up for the mistakes you have made.
Those who are unable to let go and cannot move on from the past are weak, narrow-minded, petty, narrow-hearted, and short-sighted.
The correct approach is to acknowledge and accept the outcome, and then focus on the future.
In life, eight or nine out of ten things do not go as we wish. A person with true breadth of mind can enjoy the best and endure the worst.
04 Endless Complaints#
The reason why we complain is nothing more than these nine words: unable to let go, unable to see through, unable to forget.
There was a couple who had conflicts every day after getting married. In the end, they went to see the famous psychologist Milton Erickson.
After listening to the endless complaints from both sides, Erickson said, "Did you get married in the first place just to have these endless arguments and complaints?"
The couple fell silent upon hearing this.
Complaining is like a tumor embedded in the body. It will spread faster as your emotions sink. The only cure for it is to control your emotions and not let them lead you by the nose.
We often see people who, when things don't go as they wish, resort to complaining and venting. It seems that this can solve the problem and turn things around.
But in reality, the problem is still there, and it won't disappear on its own. Your complaints are just a waste of time, missing the best opportunity to solve the problem. What you need to do is calm down, analyze the problem, and actively seek solutions or ways to salvage the situation.
Don't complain about the unfair treatment you receive. There is a philosophical concept that says, "What exists is reasonable." The treatment you receive has its background, conditions, and reasons for "existence."
You cannot control others, but you can control yourself; you cannot control the weather, but you can change your mood.
Control your emotions, learn to be the master of your emotions, and it is the best way to stop complaining.
Life is short, why bother entangling yourself?