First, let's look at the following passage:
"His glass was never empty. This bastard always drinks to the point of being drunk, never caring about anything else besides drinking. Everyone must keep quiet so as not to disturb him. After drinking, he always goes crazy and scolds those around him, even hitting me for no reason. I always endure silently, being the scapegoat, never daring to speak out in front of him. He even "invites" me to drink with him."
If the above dialogue strikes a chord with you, making you feel a similar resonance, then your parents are likely alcoholic parents.
Excessive sense of responsibility, lack of self-security, guilt, suppressed anger, strong and distorted loyalty, self-abuse, are all typical characteristics of adult children of alcoholic parents.
We have all seen alcoholics go crazy, talking nonsense, suddenly happy then suddenly irritable, maybe crying in a moment, you never know what they will say next, what emotions they will have, or what they will do.
The signals emitted by alcoholics change too quickly and unexpectedly, and often children become the trash cans for their parents' frustrations.
"You are always like this, it's because of you that I keep drinking, can't you be more considerate?"
"I've been forced into alcoholism by you."
Alcoholic parents always blame their drinking problems on their children, insulting them. And for young children, they cannot see the flaws in their parents' words, believing that their parents are always right, thinking that they must have done something wrong. So children feel they should take responsibility for their parents' alcoholism and are forced to become scapegoats.
In such a family environment, children of alcoholic parents believe that if they don't want to be hit or scolded, they must do everything to make their parents happy.
"If I could also have some, drink with him, he would be very happy."
In order to please their alcoholic parents, some children become drinking buddies with them. They believe that this will make it easier to get their parents' love and approval.
According to statistics, at least a quarter of children of alcoholic parents will also become alcoholics. This is a terrifying and shocking fact.
For many families, having an alcoholic at home seems to be a "big secret" that cannot be disclosed. In Chinese culture, the classic saying "family shame should not be exposed" is enough to explain this phenomenon. Out of shame and a strong and distorted loyalty to the family, children of alcoholic parents keep silent, presenting a facade of "everything is fine" to the outside world with their family.
Excuses, lies, and secrets become commonplace, filling the air in this family like oxygen. In order to maintain the facade of a "normal family," children of alcoholic parents deny their emotions and perceptions, forced to lie about their thoughts and feelings. Imagine if you always tell yourself no, how can you build strong self-confidence? Guilt will make them doubt whether people believe them.
When adult children of alcoholic parents grow up, the feeling of being suspected still exists, they deliberately avoid expressing their thoughts, not showing any emotions, becoming painful and weak.
Due to a severe lack of self-security and identity, most adult children of alcoholic parents fear intimate relationships. Because in childhood, their parents taught them the wrong lesson: the people they love will hurt them. For them, those who are emotionally distant are more attractive, because this way, they can imagine themselves in an intimate relationship without facing their fear of real intimacy.
They always tell themselves that if they get too close to others, they will hurt themselves, disappoint themselves, relationships will always be betrayed, and love will eventually turn into pain.